Failure

We naturally move towards positive goals and intuitively away from negative goals. We are pleasure-seeking organisms who seek pleasure and avoid pain. Lose, quit, and stop are all negative goals.

So why do we ever get involved in these negative goal programs in the first place? Typically, it is a negative emotion such as fear or anger. We fear what is happening to our health or are angry with ourselves for what we have done and, based on that emotion, we now submit ourselves to do these negative things such as lose, quit, and stop, much like we would punish a child.

Then one of two things occurs. We fail and nothing more really matters. Or we succeed. As we succeed, we start to get confident and somewhat cocky. I haven’t had a cigarette in three days! As we gain confidence, the negative emotions that brought us into the negative control program in the first place start to weaken. And when those negative emotions, the anger and the fear disappear, we go right back to our previous behavior.

Sounds familiar?

To increase our chances for achieving any goal, we need to frame it as a positive goal with a positive outcome. Don’t tell yourself you are going to lose weight. Say, I am going to get into a size M shirt by next year. Instead of quitting smoking, how about I am going to get a fresh, pink new lungs and more money in my pocket. Rather than stop drinking, instead see yourself waking up with a clear head, without a frequent hangover.

We will move more naturally and comfortably toward the achievement of a positive goal. The mind will more readily accept a positive goal and not automatically try to find ways and rationalizations to sabotage us as with a negative goal.

You must be able to distinguish healthy fears from unhealthy ones (such as worrying every time you hear a siren that a loved one has been in an accident). When you can do that, fear is your friend. Until you can do so, however, fear can be an enemy. Figure out what you should fear, and approach the rest with confidence.

What are my unhealthy fears?

How can I make my fear my friend and ally?